![]() ![]() The ground was so close now, and the beautiful rolling fields I’d been admiring moments ago now looked hard and unforgiving. I wanted all of these things but mostly I wanted to scream at myself for only realising I wanted them once it was too late. The longing was palpable – for my future, my old age, my sandwich. ‘I hit the ground and the force was strong enough to alter an entire universe.’ Emergency responders attend to Emma Carey. How was this happening? I wasn’t ready for this yet. My half-packed bag sitting on my bed, belongings thrown carelessly around the room in the implicit belief that I would return safely to pack them away. The clothes in the washing machine that would never get a chance to dry. I imagined the sandwich I’d made earlier that morning waiting for me on the ground. My desire to live pounded through my veins with increasing urgency and I felt fear beyond anything I had ever experienced before. The gravity of the situation dawned on me as quickly as it was pulling me down – I was about to die. I knew we were about to crash, I knew there’d been some kind of mistake, I knew we were only seconds away from impact, but I hadn’t yet thought about what that meant. I couldn’t turn my head against the velocity of the wind, I could only watch as the Earth seemed to come forwards to meet me. He didn’t answer and I wondered if he was even attached to me any more. I screamed at the instructor, desperate as an indescribable wave of panic consumed me. Red like a warning, it whipped before me in a tangled mess. Why weren’t we slowing down? It had been hard to tell at first, because when you’re that high up you barely notice the shift in the landscape as you fall towards it, but as you get closer suddenly you notice the drop of every foot – details on the ground below start blooming into clarity. I expected my instructor to say something, to give me a high-five like I’d seen in videos online, but he didn’t move, and as we continued to plummet a sudden terror ripped through me. When it came, it felt like my hair was being ripped from my head and I was surprised at the pain – no one had warned me that it would hurt. I crossed my arms over my chest and prepared myself for the jolt of the parachute slowing us down. We’d been told the tap meant the parachute was about to be pulled. It hadn’t opened.Ī tap on my shoulder pulled me from my epiphany. It was like a nudge from the future whispering, “Remember this feeling, this is what happiness feels like.” Then I saw it, the parachute. Everything seemed so clear an undeniable sense of peace in the chaos. Again, that feeling of insignificance overwhelmed me and all the troubles I’d left on the ground no longer mattered. I was enraptured by the picturesque ground below: the snowy alps, the winding rivers, the endless green farmlands. The sound of the helicopter, the sound of the air whooshing by, the sound of my screaming voice-it all became silent. I remembered the instructions we’d been given on the ground and moved my body into the correct position-and just like that, the world stopped. The instructor had launched us from the edge, throwing us into wide open nothingness. Strapped to my instructor, I turned towards the door and a new version of myself.įor a moment we sat on the edge of the helicopter, legs dangling in the space between who I was and who I was about to become. I felt a pang in my heart knowing that my love of adrenaline was the only reason she was here, but I gave her one last squeeze and let go of her hand. Jemma and I looked at each other, her fear obvious through the tears welling in her eyes. ![]() This sensation was what I’d been craving, this is what my life in all its daily monotony had been missing. As the wind rushed in, it felt as if all my senses were coming alive. ![]() Fourteen thousand feet in the air, the door of the helicopter opened. He told me about a jumper who had broken their ankle on landing a couple of years ago, and his candour and warmth in the telling comforted me.Īnd then before I knew it, it was time. This reassured me, along with his honest answer when I asked if anyone had ever been injured diving with him.
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